Ah, Oblivion

Oblivion’s biggest issue is that it takes material from every sci-fi/fantasy story ever told and does it poorly. Read on for a list of what happens in the movie and what did it better.*


1. Redhead gets pissed off and causes destruction-Carrieoblivion_tom_cruise_poster
2. Man is confused about what memories are real and which one aren’t- Total Recall
3. Too long and steals from other source material -Avatar
4. Heroes dies but female gives birth to the hero’s baby-Terminator, Pirates of The Caribbean, Premonition
5. Promises a treat when mission is completed but it’s a lie-Portal
6. Tom Cruise plays a man of the future that has been lied to by the accepted normality and then they try to kill him when he rebels-Minority Report
7. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is a good looking asshole-Game of Thrones
8. Computer tried to kill everyone-2001 A Space Odyssey
9. Heroes must battle clone of themselves-Resident Evil
10. A phrase is repeated and can manipulation people’s destruction -BioShock
11. People stored in goopy cells in an alien ship-The X-Files
12. Tatters of the Statue of Liberty in a waste land- Planet of the Apes
13. Morgan Freeman adds a coolness factor to a Tom Cruise Movie –War of the Worlds
14. Circular robots get ill with the human and try to kill them- Portal 2
15. Collects crappy human relics- The Little Mermaid
16. Hero falls in love with the clone of their true love- Aeon Flux
17. Spaceship chase through tight canyons- Star Wars
18. Movie is so slow that you miss nothing when you go to the bathroom- Twilight
19. Hero redeems himself for the human apocalypse by sacrificing his life- Dollhouse
20. Title- Elder Scrolls Oblivion

*This is not a comprehensive list. The movie was so boring I probably missed a bunch.

Don’t Call Schwarzenegger an Old Fogey

In the era of aged action stars, it is often hard to take a movie seriously when the hero is clearly passed his prime and looks like has might pass out at any minute. Stallone, Ford, and have all suffered. (It seems Liam Neeson is the only except to this rule.) Arnold Schwarzenegger seems to understand this and does what he does best- mix action with humor.

The Last Stand MovieIn his prime Schwarzenegger was kicking ass and taking names. He was chosen as best villain and best hero for playing the same character. He worked with Cameron, stared in the fabulous movie adaptation of Stephen King’s The Running Man, and showed Colin Ferrell what a science fiction movie should really be like. He has never had trouble making fun of himself (see Around the World in 80 Days for example). In fact, my favorite Schwarzenegger film, True Lies, combines great action with dry, witty humor.

As a child, I grew up watching Schwarzenegger, I was so excited about his return to film. But at the same time I was apprehensive; I had seen Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. So it was with trepidation that I went to see The Last Stand.

The Last Stand is the story of Sherriff Owens (Schwarzenegger) who moves from L.A. to a small town on the Arizona border to get away from the bloodshed. When the majority of the town leaves for a football game, Owens and his deputies settle in for an easy weekend. These plans are promptly destroyed when a cartel leader breaks out of custody and heads to their sleepy little town. With the FBI one step behind, it’s up to the Sherriff and his deputies to save the town.

The Last Stand supplies plenty of action with gun fights and car chases. Like every other action movie before it, it includes beyond reality stunts that get viewers fired up. But it balances the over-the-topness with humor. The film knows that it’s got a humorous side and doesn’t take itself too seriously. Owens even cracks jokes about being too old for this. But Schwarzenegger proves he still has it.

The cast includes Johnny Knoxville and Luis Guzmán adding to the humor. I hate to say it, but Knoxville is hilarious as the eccentric weapons collector that has everything down to Conan’s sword. the-last-stand-whysoblu-8The deputy team is also peppered with young attractive guys and girls to balance out the “old fogey” feeling.

Despite large pot holes, The Last Stand is an entertaining romp that gives the same hometown love you get from watching Red Dawn. No one is going to come into our home and destroy it. Viewers easily cheer on the deputies as they go against the cartel boss and outsmart the FBI.

While not a great movie, The Last Stand is fun and contains lots of action. It’s better than most of the “old fogey” movies release lately.