The Goodbye Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl, CW

Hello Upper East Siders! It’s the last season for our favorite socialites! After learning that Daddy Bass is still alive, Chuck is trying to get his empire back, and Blair had left Louie and Dan for him. Serena split with Blair, and Dan split on Serena. Lonely Boy getting a tad full of himself? Meanwhile, Nate is trying to run the Spectator on his lonesome. Can this stoner turn into a real business man?

Beguiling Blair

It seems B and C have been holed in Monaco, confirming their relationship if you know what I mean. And it seems S has taken off once again to start over. But it seems the drugs have gone straight to her head.

Currently, B is in Paris working on her new clothing line with no Bass in site. It seems that C is in Dubai looking into his Dead Daddy’s Dealings. A young attractive woman seems to be helping him get to the bottom of it or, maybe, of himself. What exactly happened to the love birds?

Oh, wait. It seems N has alerted B that a certain someone is missing. Apparently S has been missing all summer and missed when her mom renewed her vows with Daddy Bass. But what’s more exciting is the look on B’s face. It seems that everything she said last spring about not wanting to see S ever again, aren’t true.

Ah, a new alert. It seems Lonely Boy doesn’t know where S is either. B must be worried about her if she has stooped to calling Lonely Boy for the low down. She must see what we’ve been seeing all these years: S and B are soul mates. I hear she’s head back home to find S.

Noble Nate

Well, Upper East Siders, it seems that I, your online source for scandal, is the only one who has a clue where S. Well of course I do! You think after last year’s debacle with S and the lap top I wouldn’t? Ha. I know where that girl is at all times!

Poor N. He wants to so badly to make The Spectator work on his own. While I secret hope he succeeds, watching him fail makes for more juicy news. Besides what story could he have that would propel him to fame?

Pardon me. Let me check my instant message.

Well, well, well. It seems N is more cunning than I thought. It seems he has video surveillance from where I reclaimed my lap top. How 007 of him!

Look at that! He is offering a deal! I give up where S is and he forgoes his expose. Since I’m in the mood for a game, I think I’ll let him know where she is. Besides, I think Lonely Boy has put two and two together.

Delusional Dan

Lonely Boy has left Europe and his new tell all book. The claim is that it will tear apart the Upper East Side. As if!

But he is in business with the Devil herself. It seems Georgina Sparks his new muse, and she wants a bad ending for S. How he puts up with her craziness, I will never know. But he is at a loss for lady friends, and she seems to be the only one not disgusted by his hair. And look. It seems Georgina has finally developed a “womanly” body. Kids are killer for that figure, huh?

The Delusional Devilish Duo has in fact crossed paths with N.B.C. Will they be the better for it?

Too bad finding Serena at a wedding in a gorgeous dress, lots of cleavage, and a name change its Lonely Boy’s biggest shock today. Wait till he comes home and finds Rufus and Ivy in flagrante. It seems Ivy and Lola’s plan to get back at Lilly, will catch others in the cross fire.

Scandalous Serena

Is our famous It Girl tying the knot? I’ll never tell. But it seems B might.

After “Sabrina” blew off her old friends off for a new life, B can’t take no for an answer. She her Scooby Gang are going to put an end to the wedding. Hope you’re streaming the video kids.

Blair is standing up at the altar taking about why S’s new man, also named S, shouldn’t marry S. She’s making a total fool of herself and S. And what she doesn’t know? S is a bridesmaid for the gay couple who are getting married!

Apparently I was having too much fun, because I just lost my feed. But my sources tell me that S bared all to her new beau; her past, her drugs, her friends. He seemed to buy the line that she wanted to start a new life and forgave her indiscretions. How new will it be when they return to New York?
Ah, my feed finally buffered. You just can’t get good WiFi out here. Sigh. This was supposed to be the most exclusive pent house in the city. At least the Hpnotiq martinis are marvelous.

And I’ve made it back for the best part. B has come crawling on her knees begging S to come back to her. But, oh, my. S refuses saying she needs to start a new life and not be “stuck” with B. It seems they aren’t stuck like glue after all.

Confusing Chuck

The only one of this little Scooby Gang that I don’t have a line on is Bass Jr. He seems to be onto something with the mysterious lady from Dubai. She seems to have connections to Daddy Bass’s dealings. She claims not to have information buts wonders Bass Sr. would bribed her with 10 million dollars. Don’t worry. I’ll get to the bottom of this. If you’re good, I may give you the scoop.

But I do have a scoop for you now. It seems Bass Jr. and B made a pact. The Bass family straightens out their mess, B conquers the fashion world, and the two can finally be together. Bass Jr. has finally given her that Harry Winton ring that he’s been carrying for a while. Will to the do stick to this pact? My money is on no, the couple is too explosive, and besides it makes for a better story.

So welcome back to New York ladies and gentlemen. This old girl has a few more stories to tell.


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